Julie Gowthorpe How a manager can solve conflict between employees: Five steps to use now
“Sort it out on your own” is no longer an option for businesses when employees are in conflict. Management goals commonly include maintaining harmonious work environments that make employees happy and motivated, but how do you achieve this when people don’t get along? As teams grow and turnover happens, a variety of personalities and experiences become part of the landscape. In other words, conflict between people is inevitable. How do you, the manager, approach disputes between employees?
The answer lies in realizing how people perceive conflict with others, which is influenced by many factors, including personality and, associatively, what they have experienced throughout their lifetime. When you look at your business, is someone struggling with others? Perhaps you’ve noticed that what they expect from others differs from what they deliver. You will be unprepared until you think about who you are managing and what they have coped with throughout their lives. This is because how people interpret interactions and conflict depends on what they experienced in the past—before they met their coworkers.
Is your business manufacturing, professional service, or retail? No industry is exempt. Jennifer managed a large coffee chain store. She was taught to pay attention to dynamics and observed how employees interacted and communicated. When two employees, Ted and Arlene, who often traveled to work together, became embroiled in a dispute over tips, Jennifer quickly intervened, reminding them of their friendship. Jennifer saw the ineffectiveness of this approach, noticing how Ted ignored Arlene while Arlene made jokes about Ted to another barista. Jennifer worried customers would feel the tension. When district manager Lee stopped into the café for a check-in, she immediately noted the friction. Lee met the employees independently and then jointly. Jennifer watched Ted and Arlene return to work, smiling and conversing lightly.
What did Lee do differently than Jennifer?
Five Steps to Resolve Conflict Between Employees translates into:
Identify the anxiety that blocks resolution. Lee put this into action by talking with the employees about who they were before she waded into the issue at hand. She learned that Ted had been exploited as an adolescent by people he trusted. Lee realized that relationships made Ted feel vulnerable, so she reassured him that Arlene and the company cared for him and there was no intent to harm him. Lee also learned that Arlene was a single parent to two children and feared being unable to provide financially. Lee reassured Arlene that the tip situation would be resolved so she would not experience financial distress. She reaffirmed that work is a safe place.
Think like your employee. This effort can be proactive, so you already know your employees when conflict arises. Ask questions like: What do weekends look like for you? Are they busy with obligations, or do you have downtime? Ask these questions with curiosity, not as though you are filling out a questionnaire! This genuine interest builds trust so that when you intervene in an employee dispute, they see that you care about their overall well-being.
When conflict happens, effective intervention is directed by empathy. How does your employee think about things based on what you know about them and their lives? For example, Lee knew that Arlene worried about income, so her intervention considered how Arlene needed to feel safe and secure that her finances would not be jeopardized.
Cool your jets before taking off into problem-solving. Let’s face it: most managers, owners, and leaders find dealing with employee conflict uncomfortable. This prompts a reactive response, whereby we want the conflict resolved quickly! Unfortunately, this approach leaves people feeling unheard, dissatisfied, and vulnerable to further conflict. Instead, slow down. When your reaction is to quell your anxiety with a quick solution, like separating them and solving what they are upset about rather than why it’s placing a tiny Band-Aid on a gaping wound. Like Lee, take time to meet with them individually. Consider whether the experience has made them feel unvalued or unsafe (physically, emotionally, or financially) and what would need to happen to lower this anxiety.
Keep the Relational Goal Paramount. When meeting individually with the employee, don’t lose sight of the goal of healing the employee relationship. Unless they can work in complete silos, it is helpful to think of this relationship as a necessary elastic cord that must be flexible and intact for the relationship to work. Even if you can establish distance between the two, remember that unresolved conflict can ripple across teams like smoke from forest fires. Like Lee, shift from individual meetings to sitting together. As the manager, take the lead with a calm, assertive, and compassionate tone. Reiterate that you understand each of their experiences and the purpose now is to find ground for resolution. Start by highlighting the positives you have heard and that you are pleased with their effort to engage professionally.
Set a collaborative direction. In your joint meeting, summarize what you heard from both employees and highlight the same things. For example, “Jill, you mentioned that you have always worked well with Mark and Mark, you complimented Jill for her creativity. While this disagreement has been serious, let’s not minimize the many hours and interactions that have been successful.”
Even with resolution, reinforce the collaborative direction of the company. If Mark felt angered by having to take calls for Jill when she took lengthy lunches, and Jill felt Mark’s tone was condescending, demonstrate your commitment to maintaining collaboration. For example, “I understand you can be great workmates. To address this problem, we have created a schedule for phone coverage that does not always rely on Mark and will remind the team that lunches are within designated times.” In other words, make sure you close the loop!
About the Author:
Julie Gowthorpe, PhD, RSW, is a leading authority in the field of relationships. Renowned for her expertise in simplifying complex concepts, she shares this through a thriving private practice and a weekly radio broadcast; Dr. Gowthorpe speaks candidly with intimate and large groups. She transforms the lives of individuals and business teams, and in her forthcoming book, I Hate People, she continues her mission to foster stronger, healthier connections. Visit www.gowthorpetherapists.com for more information.
